Living the Resurrection: A Mother’s Witness

Three years ago, on January 17, 2023—just eleven days before her birthday—my 37-year-old daughter Amanda passed away suddenly and tragically.

From Amanda’s childhood through her teenage years, and throughout seventeen years of diagnoses—from ADHD and Bipolar Disorder to Schizophrenia, marked by periods of hospitalization—I witnessed in her a spirit undaunted by relentless trials.

Amanda’s acceptance of her illness, her faithfulness in taking daily antipsychotic medication despite the discomfort and debilitation it often caused, and her deep desire to live life well were extraordinary. Despite years of disruption brought on by her condition, she remained highly motivated to move forward. She finished high school, completed a year-long course in Australia, worked for several years, and earned her college degree.

Day after day, I lived alongside Amanda and saw firsthand the enormous anguish and struggle she endured. She fought bravely for her mental, psychological, social, and physical well-being.

Yet what made the greatest difference in her life was her spiritual life.

God had become central to Amanda’s existence, giving her life meaning and beauty. Her faithfulness to Him and to the Blessed Mother became the weapons she used to fight both her mental and spiritual battles—right up to the end.

When Amanda died, I felt that I died too.

People often say that healing comes with time. But I must honestly admit that the pain and grief have never left me. I survived only because the Lord has remained with me.

Those first days, weeks, and months were bearable solely because God granted me daily grace and sustenance—a promise He gives to those who believe in and trust Him.

JOHN 7:38

Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.

That river within me continues to overflow. Still, there is something more—something wider, more encompassing, and more powerful—that has been quietly taking shape in me over the years since her death.

Last December, during a deeply meaningful conversation with my classmate Marilou, who lives in California, the Scripture passage I placed at the beginning of this reflection suddenly stood out with new clarity.

As I spoke with her, I realized that what I was experiencing was beyond the living water flowing within me. When Amanda died and left me, something in me also died—yet in that precise moment of our conversation, I realized that I had come back to life.

I recognized it as the resurrected life of Jesus in me.

The Lord is not waiting to give me this life only when I am in heaven with Him. He is allowing me to taste it here on earth—now. I am not imagining it. It is real.

I told Marilou that I felt as though I were bursting with a new energy—one that makes life continually fresh and exciting. I feel like a child, protected in the loving and powerful embrace of the Father, eager to discover, explore, and learn whatever He wishes to reveal. I am being taught how to listen more attentively, to respond more willingly, and to surrender fully—whether circumstances appear good or bad.

If I may say so humbly, I am experiencing a small taste of heaven on earth.

As one of my favorite devotionals, My Utmost for His Highest, so beautifully expresses it:  Being born of the Spirit gives a person a new vision and keeps him or her absolutely fresh every day… for me, it is everything and everywhere… through the never-ending supply of the life of God… His living waters.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux said that “Our Lord does not come down from Heaven every day to lie in a golden ciborium. He comes to find another heaven which is infinitely dearer to Him—the heaven of our souls.”

Thank You, dearest Lord.

Thank you, my dearest Amanda, for what your death has brought forth in me. Because of you, I have become truly alive in God!